Heidi Montag Playboy Interview

Posted by iceah at Sunday, August 16, 2009

If you read the Heidi Montag Playboy Interview I guess you'll buy the September 2009 issue of Playboy, here it is :

Spencer: Heidi, look at you. You’re in Playboy. Let’s make this the most famous interview ever.

Heidi: You know it, baby. [multiple fist bumps]

Spencer: : Okay. If people knew the real Heidi, how would she be different from the girl on The Hills or I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! or whatever?

Heidi: I wouldn’t be different. That’s the thing. I have cameras on me 24/7, and I love it. I want it. I can’t help being who I am. I laugh so hard when I read “Oh, they’re the fakest couple on the planet.” We’ve had our ups and downs, Spencer, but we’ve done it all with the cameras on, and now we’re doing it with the cameras off. Nothing is different. We’re both outgoing; we say what we want to say and just happen to be more in the public eye than most couples. We’ve been together more than three years and have spent practically every minute together. If we were fake, that would have been exposed by now, don’t you think?

Spencer: And what about all those bozos talking shit about you—the Chelsea Handlers of the world. Is that ever hard for you?

Heidi: I just roll my eyes and move on. First of all, it’s so much fun that people know who I am and actually care enough to talk. I’m turning 23, from a tiny town in Colorado. This is exciting for me. We love the Soup guy [Joel McHale, host of the weekly comedy show on E!]. God bless him, he’s making us famous. As for other women, if they aren’t hating on you, then you’re not doing anything right.
If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re the nerd, and I would never want to be that.

Spencer: Look at how many people follow you on Twitter, baby. It’s close to half a million and growing every second.

Heidi: Twitter rocks. The millions of people waiting for season six of The Hills love us. And it’s not about Lauren Conrad, because she’s not even on the show this season. Which is fine with me.

Spencer: You’re a rock star, Heidi. Don’t forget that. We made our music video [for the song “BlackOut”] on the beach for about a dollar this year, and it went to number six on iTunes in the U.S. and number one in Canada. [fist bumps] That’s money in your pocket! Dollar for dollar, I bet you made more than Lady GaGa this year even though she has a number one record. “Oh, Heidi Montag has no talent!”—my fucking ass! If you have no talent, then I don’t know what talent is. You must be the most talented untalented person on earth. [leans in for a kiss] Take a bite! [They kiss. Spencer pauses to check several cell phones and PDAs. They kiss again as he texts.]

Heidi: [Clearly annoyed] Spencer! Okay, I have a question for you: How many phones do you have?

Spencer: I have one…two [takes phones out], three, four—four with me today. The Nokia N95 is for video content, and the BlackBerry is best for e-mails because they get pushed the fastest. The iPhone is for my blogging and to tap TMZ, Perez Hilton or Us Weekly, and the Sidekick is for my Twitter army—400,000 and growing. If I mix these gadgets up, business will shut down for the day.

Heidi: How many phone calls do you get a day?
Spencer: A thousand, maybe more, and I pick up every call. People probably think I’m kidding, but if you’re reading this, try us at 323-767-8139, or go to saynow.com to listen to recordings of the calls. People have watched us on The Hills for five seasons and they want to reach out and be part of us. If you had to send two or three clips from the show into outer space to represent the human species to alien life-forms, what moments would you choose?

Heidi: Well, your proposing to me was obviously a personal favorite. Oh, and the one when I first met you and you were saying you wanted to go on naked picnics and marry this other girl and all that stuff. That’s funny to look at now.

Spencer: That was the Patrón Platinum talking.

Heidi: There are a few moments I’d like to see blasted into space forever. Like when you apologized to Lauren Conrad for the sex-tape rumors so she would come to the wedding, when we know for a fact she did have a sex tape. [Editor’s note: Conrad and other cast members have denied any sex tape exists.]

Spencer: I would have said anything so you could have your dream princess wedding. I thought you wanted to have your old best friend there, so that’s why I sacrificed every cost to make sure you were happy. But I was lying about being apologetic, and I hate lying. And then she tried to make me the scapegoat, America’s bad guy, which is an easy sell. I’m cool with that. Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her ex-boyfriend] Jason Wahler was t r y i n g to shop the tape. That tape exists!

Heidi: I do feel bad for her. She was probably talked into doing it by Jason.
Spencer: Honestly, I think the reality was it wasn’t even sex. It was just fooling around. Maybe we should do a sex tape.

Heidi: No way. I’ve never watched porn in my life. I’m not going to start making it.
Spencer: You’re right. Plus who needs a sex tape when we have a live feed to our 70-inch HD screen in the bedroom and all those mirrors. It would be like Tiger Woods watching his swing. Life with you is like 24/7 porn but without the obnoxious charges. [They kiss.] Okay, next question. If everybody thinks I’m the biggest douche bag on the planet, why would you marry me?

Heidi: You have a lot of qualities the world can’t see, and I get to experience them.

Spencer: [Checks his Sidekick] Can you please be more specific?

Heidi: Can you please stop Twittering?

Spencer: All good, all good! [continues to Twitter]

Heidi: Some things are private. Our sex life is private.

Spencer: I totally 100 percent disagree. Privacy doesn’t exist, which is why I love my life. I love that we live every waking moment for everyone to see.